Drawing on her own history of premarital sex as a cosmopolitan, liberal single woman and delving into subjects like sodomy and masturbation, she aims her argument at sophisticated young working Christians who know the ways of the world. In her view, people are more likely to abstain from sex once they fully understand its power.
She speaks of her ’endless numbers of boyfriends’ after having sex for the first time at 15, an experience she discusses in ’Real Sex.’ She offers no silver bullets. Her solution relies heavily on the 12-step model: firm commitment, lots of uncomfortably frank dialogue and more than a little peer support from others who feel your pain....
"What I learned through having premarital sex for years in my teens and early 20s was that I made an association between what’s erotically exciting and the instability, the newness, the possibility, which is obviously the opposite of married sex," she said. "I mean, married sex can be great and wonderful, but part of what gives its greatness and wonderfulness is its security. I don’t necessarily think "routine" is a bad word."
...many people are deterred from seriously attempting Christian chastity because they think (before trying) that it is impossible. But when a thing has to be attempted, one must never think about possibility or impossibility. Faced with an optional question in an examination paper, one considers whether one can do it or not: faced with a compulsory question, one must do the best one can. You may get some marks for a very imperfect answer: you will certainly get none for leaving the question alone. Not only in examinations but in war, in mountain climbing, in learning to skate, or swim, or ride a bicycle, even in fastening a stiff collar with cold fingers, people quite often do what seemed impossible before they did it. It is wonderful what you can do when you have to.
We may, indeed, be sure that perfect chastity--like perfect charity--will not be attained by any merely human efforts. You must ask for God's help. Even when you have done so, it may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help than you need, is being given. Never mind. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again.
I married the rarest of creatures, a genuine redneck who was born and raised in the liberal San Francisco Bay Area. I'm a technophile married to a technophobe.